i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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