Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
