Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
