my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
