U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
