grandma shit on top of the toilet
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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