I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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