I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
