I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
