looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
