Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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