he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What a dumb baby whore.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
