no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
