meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
