she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
