so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
