Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
