i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
