Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
