I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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