I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
