Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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