At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
