Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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