It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
