When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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