If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
