the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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