so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
