Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
