you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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