Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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