I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so that wasnt chicken after all
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
