i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
