Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
