During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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