So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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