The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
