I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
