she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
MIDGETS
????
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
