Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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