Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
