About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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