I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
