I'm gonna have a badass scar
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
