Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
thus making me awesome and them whores
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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