I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
