Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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