you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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