I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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