i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
