How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
