Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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