that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
