Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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