btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
