I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
