the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
