Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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