I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
