is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
