When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
