You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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