i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
as a side note pls kill me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
