My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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