Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
