just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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