Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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