Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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