Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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